Monday, October 14, 2013

My Cup Runneth Over

 A woman rejoicing in the appropriate name of Sara Crewe (geddit? SCrewe, screw. Oh, never mind.) has caused much hilarity and probably a fair bit of embarrassment to her husband, perhaps even to herself, by letting the world know about their "penis beaker". Addressing the eternal problem of post-coital mess, the proverbial wet patch, the maps of Africa, she asked the world on a website called Mumset whether it was normal for her hubby to have a glass of water (in Ulie's case, possibly an egg cup or thimble) next to the bed in which to "dunk" (Screwe's words) his todger after making the two-backed monster, before wiping off with tissues.

Apparently, her hubby can't be bothered to quickly hose down, although the wife does, so he dips his old fellow in the water, wipes off with the tissues and goes to sleep. (To be fair to him, most people probably just go to sleep.)

This raises all sorts of technical questions. Given that Mr. Crewe's member should, as the Chinese say (though I don't think they were referring specifically to Mr. Crewe), be at the half past six position when in repose, does he tip the beaker to accommodate this? If so, is the beaker less than full to start with (or even less than less than full, to both allow for tipping and avoid displacement)? Is the water warm and, if so, does he (or she) allow for cooling in the time between pouring and ejaculation? How long do they allow for this - 2 minutes, twenty? (After all, a cold dunk would be a bit of a shock.)
One Mumset reader asked what happened if there was a middle of the night shag and presumably a second cup at the ready, to which our Sara replied that having a 4-month old meant that she needed her sleep and this was not going to happen. So that's your lot, mate, and if hubby has a potential dawn breaker he is just going to have to grab for any remaining tissues and the baby oil.

Clearly, images of a cup of cummy water and a pile of crusty tissues may be distasteful to my more fastidious reader and I hope he or she can get them out of their mind before too long. Unless they want to unburden themselves of their own practices on this site.

(Picture stolen from Jean Barker, because I couldn't be arsed to take my own photo. No need to thank me for the traffic, Jeanie.)


  1. "........."penis beaker".........If so, is the beaker less than full to start with (or even less than less than full, to both allow for tipping and avoid displacement)?......."

    Perhaps the discoveries of Mr. Archimedes have yet to reach the Crewe household? To avoid many of these problems, I would think an Erlenmeyer Flask would do nicely. And as far as rinsing and then drying with tissue? Gay! Hell, The Tutor would just get up and abrade his langer on the curtains - he's a classy guy.

    "........the maps of Africa,......"

    More like Australia and sometimes including Tasmania. And New Zealand and the Cook Islands too if I get a leg cramp.

  2. Spot on, Missy. That's what curtains are for. And household pets.