Thursday, October 31, 2013

Methinks They Do Protest Too Much

I am having difficulty with this story from the SCuMPost. Headlined "Police with shields block mainland Chinese from Causeway Bay firm after rip-off claims", at first sight it looks like either a standard Hong Kong rip-off or a tale of aggressive and lawless Mainlanders. Which is it? Or is it neither, or both?
DCHL, a well-established group purveying the usual over-priced "luxury" wares but which recently got some publicity for alleged infringement of the trademarks of a European company whose goods it had previously distributed, is accused of ... err ... overcharging Mainlanders for so-called luxury goods. Where it gets complicated is that it is not just a case of charging a lot of money for something shiny or with extra diamonds stuck onto it, as every "luxury" brand seems to do nowadays in order to satisfy PRC perceptions of what is tasteful. The gullible tat-buyers, from Guangdong and Hunan provinces, actually wanted to pass the stuff on to their compatriots. In other words, they wanted to make a turn by charging Mainlanders for so-called luxury goods. Does the expression "hoist by one's own petard" come to mind?
Imagine their surprise when they found out that the French-sounding brand names, such as ED Pinaud, that they had assumed were well known because, well, just because they sounded French, actually just sounded French. And so they exercised their democratic right, outside the Mainland, to protest.
But what are they really protesting about? Yes, they are protesting that they didn't do their research and so paid more for something than it was worth. Goodness, if only I could use that argument to get back all the money I spent on second hand cars in my youth!
10bfd9736bc0277123c6102b81ff0d70.jpgBut they are also protesting because they, citizens and residents of the Mainland where pyramid selling is illegal, were able in Hong Kong to buy goods for the purpose of engaging in pyramid selling. You see, it is Hong Kong's fault that they had the opportunity to break their own laws at the same time as buying stuff without knowing what they were buying. Life is so unfair.
Their logic seems to extend also to their maths. One of the protestors said that the group of 150 had lost from $80k to $3m per person, "adding up to" HK$10 million between them.
OK, take out the biggest loss of $3m, leaving $7m between the remaining 149. That's an average of $47k, little more than half of the lowest claimed loss. And the losses claimed are based on the prices a pawnbroker was prepared to pay them. Yes, if I wanted a fair value put on something, a pawnbroker is exactly who I'd go and see. Or perhaps pawnbrokers were these gullible buyers' target market?
(Mind you, that one in pink looks quite doable.)
But look on the bright side, suckers. Think how much Chinese import duty and VAT you will save on these goods. (You were going to declare them, weren't you?) Not to mention the lower IIT you will pay. And at least ED Pinaud is a world famous brand now!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Unfergettable (Geddit?)

So, "Sir" Alex Ferguson has written a book about himself, telling the world about all the slights he suffered while manager of Manchester United and how he was right in every case, just as Man U should have won every title for 26 years, if not for some appalling refereeing decisions.

Perhaps the expression "let sleeping dogs lie" should have come to mind before he published it as he has at best simply shown how much everyone got under his skin during his career. As a result of the book he has been slapped down firmly by several of the people he wrote about and has been accused of being unprofessional for breaching dressing room confidentiality.

It will never have occurred to him that there is some sort of conflict of interest in rushing out such a self-serving book (in time for Christmas) while his successor is struggling with the poor squad he has been left. Any more than he would have thought that suing a fellow director of MU when he was still manager might be exactly the sort of sideshow which he accused David Beckham of creating. The hypocrisy and arrogance of the man are staggering.

Alex Ferguson holding up his book

Just in case there is any doubt, Fergie is shown as the author and the title is given as "My Autobiography". Well, who else's would it have been, if he wrote it, the daft Jock? Yes, it's by you, about you, and to line your own ckufing pockets. You, you, you. We get it.

Monday, October 14, 2013

My Cup Runneth Over

 A woman rejoicing in the appropriate name of Sara Crewe (geddit? SCrewe, screw. Oh, never mind.) has caused much hilarity and probably a fair bit of embarrassment to her husband, perhaps even to herself, by letting the world know about their "penis beaker". Addressing the eternal problem of post-coital mess, the proverbial wet patch, the maps of Africa, she asked the world on a website called Mumset whether it was normal for her hubby to have a glass of water (in Ulie's case, possibly an egg cup or thimble) next to the bed in which to "dunk" (Screwe's words) his todger after making the two-backed monster, before wiping off with tissues.

Apparently, her hubby can't be bothered to quickly hose down, although the wife does, so he dips his old fellow in the water, wipes off with the tissues and goes to sleep. (To be fair to him, most people probably just go to sleep.)

This raises all sorts of technical questions. Given that Mr. Crewe's member should, as the Chinese say (though I don't think they were referring specifically to Mr. Crewe), be at the half past six position when in repose, does he tip the beaker to accommodate this? If so, is the beaker less than full to start with (or even less than less than full, to both allow for tipping and avoid displacement)? Is the water warm and, if so, does he (or she) allow for cooling in the time between pouring and ejaculation? How long do they allow for this - 2 minutes, twenty? (After all, a cold dunk would be a bit of a shock.)
One Mumset reader asked what happened if there was a middle of the night shag and presumably a second cup at the ready, to which our Sara replied that having a 4-month old meant that she needed her sleep and this was not going to happen. So that's your lot, mate, and if hubby has a potential dawn breaker he is just going to have to grab for any remaining tissues and the baby oil.

Clearly, images of a cup of cummy water and a pile of crusty tissues may be distasteful to my more fastidious reader and I hope he or she can get them out of their mind before too long. Unless they want to unburden themselves of their own practices on this site.

(Picture stolen from Jean Barker, because I couldn't be arsed to take my own photo. No need to thank me for the traffic, Jeanie.)