Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Oh, Danny Boy

Oh, those lovable Welsh!

Daniel Cooper, father of 3 despite being only 24, was convicted of indecent exposure after trying to shag a kebab shop counter and a Land Rover whilst drunk. At least it beats (on the indecency stakes - I leave it to my Welsh reader to make any qualitative comparison) shagging sheep whilst sober.

Mr. Cooper, who may or may not henceforth be known as Mini Cooper having been caught in all his naked glory on CCTV, "simulated" (why "simulated"?) sex with a blue Discovery, blue Discoveries presumably being the Essex girls of the car world. Did the Discovery drop its bag of chips, I wonder. We may never know.

Nor does the report state whether Mr. Cooper achieved the necessary degree of arousal, or whether he was properly prepared for his one night stand (what kind of lubricant is best?), though presumably the CCTV could answer those questions.

Cooper said he was so drunk he could not remember what happened until he was shown the CCTV pictures. Riiiight. Although his lawyer claimed that Cooper was "mortified and totally ashamed", he changed his name to "Daniel Hotcock Cooper" on his Facebook page, so not very convincing, really. Unless the description was a literal one, the exhaust pipe being still warm. Just wondering.

One of his "friends" said: "Daniel will never live this down – everyone is saying he was 'tyred' and 'exhausted' afterwards. "He is not a pretty sight when naked. We all felt sorry for the Land Rover and hope it wasn't offended."

Cooper admitted indecent exposure and must stay at home on weekend evenings for the next three months, where he will presumably be watching the Discovery Channel. Geddit?

8 comments:

  1. Surely the Rover was a'fendered?

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  2. I'm sure a bumper time was had by all.

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  3. Essex girls of the car world?
    Nah, he just has a thing for anthropomorphised South Asians.

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  4. And yer puns are horrid!

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  5. Thank you for your comments, Mr. Fkuc. Goodness knows, this site needs new blood. I'm glad you like the wordplay.

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  6. I'm a girl. silly!

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  7. Girls are especially welcome, Missus.

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    Replies
    1. I prefer, "Little Missy", much more condescending.

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